November 4, 2009

It's All in My Jeans

I've had a long love affair with denim. Ever since my mother wouldn't let me wear jeans to school even though everyone else was, I realized their cachet. I took to carrying them in my backpack, changing in the washroom before class (also applying mascara, eye shadow and blush which were also verboten), then changing back into my frilly frock at day's end.

Once I was no longer under my parents' rules I wore jeans at every opportunity. And still do today. I'm fortunate that I can wear them to work (not every day as I do like wearing other things, but at least twice a week). I don't know what it is about them but I can't resist them. I'm sure I have pants that are more comfortable and more attractive, but if I was only allowed two pieces of clothing on that cliched deserted island, one piece would be my jeans (the other might be my cozy Eddie Bauer sweater -- nobody said the island had to be in the tropics, did they?)

But I have a problem. Like finding the beautiful backpack, finding the perfect pair of jeans is a mission. I keep buying them, thinking they look great in the changeroom, only to wear them once or twice and realize "what was I thinking?" See my problem is my bum. I don't have much junk in my trunk, an ample asset, a hefty hiney, a round mound, a bodacious booty, or a badonkadonk.

I have a treasure butt (possibly a gem, but hidden like treasure). It's small, it's kinda flat -- ok, it's a white girl butt -- but, I still want a pair of jeans that don't flatten it even more.

I don't want jeans that gap at the back so that people can check out my granny gaunch or jeans that have a little pooch in the front. I don't want jeans that are so short in the rise that I have to constantly tug them up or refrain from bending over (these would also mean the granny gaunch has to be replaced with something made out of dental floss). I don't want jeans that you have to wash after one wearing because they stretch into something resembling a pair of baggy sweatpants.

I need help. I've decided I'm willing to spend considerable dollars for the perfect pair. I wear them all the time -- this an investment, like a good, classic pair of boots, right?

I found this quiz to point me in the right direction.

And this is what I came up with:

You’re Seven jeans!

Your warmth and kindness are the cornerstones of your personality. Longtime friends will add that you are a very loyal and caring person with a penchant for classic styles and sentiments. These enviable qualities make you a perfect pairing with clean-cut Seven jeans, a trusted beacon of classic style.

Now this is all very good, I like that my friends think I'm loyal and caring. But will they think my butt looks good in these jeans?


Rosaria Williams said...

Oh my! We are not ever happy with our buttocks. I understand Oprah had a show on how to get a great-fitting pair of jeans. I'm sure Consumer Reports has an entire issue on this issue. Or, was it Vogue?

drollgirl said...

oh jeans. ay yi yi. the eternal search for the perfect jeans. last year i started that search and ended up trying about 40 different pairs. NIGHTMARE. i have too much butt (and too much of everything else) so it is difficult for me to find the right jeans, too. UGH. UGH! i need to try again soon, as it is so cozy to wear jeans and a sweater in chilly weather. UGH. not looking forward to it. the jean search is excruciating!

BonBon Rose Girls Kristin said...

OMG, that arse pic. Dying! And my butt looked so good in my Seven cords that I wore them way past their prime.