Sleep-driving, sleep-shopping, and aggressive sleep-sex anyone? Just pop a pill.

Sleep. Most living creature do it. Some of us even look forward to it. If we were to go without sleep for 10 days we would die, which technically means we could last longer without food (banish the thought). But what happens if sleep becomes illusive? I once stayed awake for 48 hours when I was young and stupid. (I also tried fasting for a month around the time hunger strikes were de rigueur, and almost made it. Day 24, movie theatre popcorn got me.) I remember the incredible feeling of exhaustion around five or six in the morning of the second day. But once that passed an amazing sense of euphoria kept me going for about another six hours. It was delightful. I was giddy and light and vowed never to sleep again -- until I regained my mind and came crashing down to earth. Bed called me at 3AM on day three. Sleep, it seems, has a mind of its own. Try to stay awake and it will claim you. Try to force it and it will elude you.

I was mindlessly zoning out in front of the TV the other night when a commercial caught my attention. It was on an American channel and for a medication that we can't get in Canada (apparently it is approved for use, but not available for sale.) Ambien CR. What caught my attention wasn't the soothing music or the pretty woman tossing and turning, unable to sleep. It was the voice-over which, in a soothing tone (that alone could put me to sleep), was calmly selling the wonderful benefits of Ambien CR.

According to the "voice" Ambien CR is a prescription sleep-aide; the panacea for insomniacs everywhere. The commercial then showed the sleepless woman, after popping a pill, settle into a blissful sleep. Nothing could disturb her.




Not even the voice-over now reciting the list of possible side-effects:

Constipation
Difficulty with coordination
Hallucinations
Disorientation
Anxiety
Depression
Binge eating
Memory problems
Spinning sensation (vertigo)
Nausea
Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) -- heartburn is the most common symptom
Heart palpitations
Fatigue
Muscle pain
Suicidal thoughts
Confusion
More outgoing or aggressive behavior than normal
Depression
Strange behavior
Hallucinations (seeing, hearing, or feeling things that are not really there)
Agitation or restlessness
Fainting
Slurred speech
Coordination problems
Vision changes
Sleepwalking
Impotence
Hypertension

According to an article on CBC.ca, Ambien has some other unusual side effects. "When a cough was keeping Rosalind Cartwright, 84, up at night, she took a cough suppressant and Ambien. The Chicago resident does not remember what happened next, although there is a dent in her refrigerator that was not there before. While sleepwalking, she likely fell several times, fracturing her wrist, breaking three ribs, cracking her pelvis and a front tooth and scraping her elbow which was bleeding profusely when she awoke, she said. She also bruised her face and had internal bleeding on the right side of her head. Cartwright had to be hospitalized for a week."

"[Some people] who took Ambien...have driven while asleep, gone grocery shopping or had aggressive sex. They don't remember what they did when they wake up."

Now don't get me wrong. I know that insomnia is at the least, annoying and at the worst, debilitating. But I just can't help feel that in this case the cure is worse than the disease. Aggressive sex while asleep? I don't know about you, but I want to be awake for something like this?

I'm thinking a glass of warm milk instead.